The Work-Life Balance Myth

I talk a lot about creating a business that supports your life (rather than ruling it) and putting systems in place that allow you to thrive (not just survive). 

And in amongst this, it’s easy to think that means unlocking the secret behind the perfect work / life balance. Though, I’m actually kind of talking about the opposite, because there really is no such thing as the perfect balance. Or if there is, I’m yet to meet someone who’s achieved it. 

I’m talking about creating a business and life that works for you. And that means understanding and accepting what that actually means to you. What does success mean? What’s your stress threshold? What's the tipping point between good busy and bad busy? What do you want your ‘imperfectly unbalanced’ life to look like? Work, family, friends, clients, deadlines, social commitments, pets, healthy living, employees, hobbies... Life. It’s a lot. And the reality is – you can’t have it all, all the time. And that’s not a bad thing. You shouldn’t feel less because of it. You shouldn’t feel pressured to manage it all, to be everything to everyone all the time, or to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ (I’m also yet to meet them, by the way).  

You will need to make sacrifices and decisions about where your energy is best served. Because it can’t be everywhere – at least not all at once. There will be times when you need to choose between submitting on deadline or going to your kid’s sports carnival; getting back to a client or providing support to a friend; going to an industry networking event or date-night with your partner. The life of a small business owner is full of competing priorities and compromises, and it’s sometimes difficult to not feel stuck between a rock and a hard place or feel guilty about your choices.  

I have certainly felt the guilt - mum guilt, family guilt, partner guilt, and friend guilt over the years – pulling long hours, missing important milestones for my kids, and even forgetting to pick them up from school on occasion due to getting distracted by a last minute email (don’t worry – I didn’t leave them stranded for too long!). 

Take a peek behind the polished social media profiles, the inspirational quotes, the successful businesses, the happy families, and the #lifegoals, and you’ll often find the same thing – a lot of juggling and re-prioritising.  

Because even the most organised, prepared, driven, capable and resilient people out there live in the same hectic, crazy, curveball of a world that the rest us do. And no one is immune to life occasionally getting the better of them.  

I’ve learnt to accept the ebbs and flows that come with running my own business, having a large family, and being pretty active socially (and everything else that goes with it!). I feel that I’ve finally gotten to a place where I know how my mind and body react to the chaos of trying to keep all those balls in the air. And part of that is accepting that it’s not natural for me to constantly juggle. It’s not realistic or achievable. Sometimes I need to put a few balls down. Sometimes I need to wave the white flag, put them all down, and crawl into bed! 

I know that, even with the best intentions, and the best systems and support in place, life can still get hectic. And I still experience periods of burnout and exhaustion. Sometimes I can feel it building, and I can adjust to minimise the impact – call on more support, put a few balls down, re-set a few processes. Though sometimes, I know I can only do so much – these are the times when everything is urgent, and important, and of the highest priority. The perfect storm. It doesn’t happen very often, though in these times, I know I need to take a big breath and just get through it. Put the scaffolding up, protective gear on, and brace for impact. It’s by no means an ideal way of getting through life, and not a way to deal with everyday hurdles, though I’m talking about those rare times when everything comes at you all at once, you can’t avoid it, and you just need to bunker down. 

After going through a few 'perfect storms’ over the last 3 decades, I now know that I have the strength to pull through. Despite what it feels like at the time, there will be space / time on the other side to recover. And these days I almost lean into it – allow myself to feel the hard stuff in the moment, know what scaffolding I need to put up, and give myself permission to recover in the aftermath. Sometimes that means giving loved ones the heads up that I’m in the thick of it and am bunkering down for a bit, though will emerge in a few days – like a phoenix (or perhaps like a headless chicken – though give me time, I’ll be back). 

We’re often told that we can unlock the secret to a completely stress-free life. Though it’s not a reality, particularly when running your own business and managing a family. And that’s ok. We can’t stop life. And we can’t always control it. Strategies, systems and support will get you 90% of the way there, though that 10% can be a mean beast. And you need to learn how to be friends with it (or at least be prepared for the occasional visit). 

Here are my top tips to managing and getting comfortable with your ‘imperfect balance’: 

• Set clear boundaries and don't be afraid to communicate them - to your clients, team, friends or family. 
• Learn to say no, and mean it. Whether that’s to a demanding client, friend, child or even a teacher / school. 
• Get organised. Use your workflow management tech / calendar religiously, for both personal and professional time management (I almost missed my daughter’s Year 11 dinner dance recently because I didn’t do it!). 
• Keep learning.  Every. Single. Day. Learn about your business, though also yourself. Know your limits and how you best respond to stress, and what you need to keep you grounded. 
• Surround yourself with a support network and community that gets you. 
• Break big projects and goals up into smaller, achievable tasks and milestones, and celebrate every one of them. Once again – this goes for personal or work-related tasks. 
• Keep getting back up. We all have setbacks and make mistakes. Learn from them, lean on your community, and keep moving. 
• And most importantly - remember that you are not alone, and that you can do this. If you're ever doubting this, head on over to our socials or hit me up on email and you will soon see that there is a whole community behind you.